How Well do You Know Your Komreyds?

A Pop-Pop Quiz on What’s Left of the Left

Bobby Garcia (aka Karl Marx Alvarado)

IPD (Institute for Peculiar Democracy)

Much has been said of the Philippine Left. But much has been said about other things as well, so what’s the point?

Good point. Nevertheless we – civil society types, torchbearers of radical thought and practice – place ourselves (still) within the realm of the left. “Leftist” pa rin tayo ika nga. Of course other leftists would contest this dubious claim. They would say: “If you are a true blue leftist, then why are you saying so many bad things about your old komreyds-in-arms – even the super-duper leftist of them all – that are unequivocally and undeniably true?” (To paraphrase Oscar Wilde.)

All we can say is, sometimes we need political lozenges. We suffer from sore truth. Ahrrm.

Now where was I? Ah, the quiz! The following, dear readers, is a foolproof instrument designed to test how much you really know about the radical movement in the Philippines. A tool that would examine your knowledge and familiarity with its history, background, personalities, recent events, and life-and-death trivia that defined and shaped its contours– which ultimately influenced the development of Philippine society (or maybe not).

Failure in this test would indicate that you are a fake, a has-been, a born-again burgis, or that you have better things to do, such as quickly proceed to the next article. Getting a high score would show that you are a conscientious radical, a dedicated activist who would buck all odds to fully realize the transformation of Philippine society – which means you need to get a life and go out more often.

Fire away, good soldier.

1. Jesus Lava was the head of:

1. a Laundromat
2. PHIVOLCS
3. Jesus Miracle Crusade
4. Partido Komunista ng Pilipinas
5. NOTA (None of the Above)

2. The first name of Mr. Sison, founder of the new, reconstituted, reformulated CPP-NPA (i.e. under new management) is:

1. Marco
2. Rainy
3. Yuletide
4. Jose Maria
5. Gwendolyn

3. This book of Amado Guerrero (whose real name is NOT Gwendolyn) served as the quintessential bible of national democratic Filipino activists:

1. The Old Testament
2. Beautiful Girl and other Pop Hits of JM Chan
3. I am Not a Disco King and other Refutations
4. Philippine Society and Revolution
5. All of the above except a, b, c, and d.

4. The CPP’s guiding principle is:

1. Marxism-Leninism-Mao Zedong thought
2. (in Tagalog): Marxismo-Leninismo-akala ni Mao Zedong
3. That komreyds should avoid old Party jokes like letter b. above
4. To advance people’s war using a protractor.
5. That komreyds should avoid explaining jokes, like saying letter d. above refers to the “protracted people’s war.”

5. The original bosing of the New People’s Army, Bernabe Buscayno, was also known as:

1. Kumander Alibasbas
2. Kumander Robot
3. Kumander-in-tsip
4. Si Misis (i.e. “si Kumander”)
5. Kumander Dante

6. There were two very strong activist student organizations that challenged Marcos during the early 70s. One of them was KM, which means:

1. Kilusang Mayo
2. Kabataang Makabarrio
3. Kabataang Makabansa
4. Kabataang Makamundo
5. Kabataang Makabayan

7. The other was SDK, which means:

1. Kabataang Makabayan
2. Samahang Double Knit
3. Sa Diwa ng Kapaskuhan
4. Samahan ng Demokratikong Kabataan
5. Kapisanan ng mga Brodkasters sa Pilipinas

8. The First Quarter Storm refers to:

1. the FQS
2. bagyong Yoling
3. a geology exam at the early part of the school year
4. the massive uprising of youth and students against President Marcos during the first three months of 1970
5. NOTA (again, None of the Above)

9. The Plaza Miranda bombing happened in:

1. Plaza Sta. Cruz. It was done without permission from the authorities, and therefore acts of similar nature should be banned in the future. This law should henceforth be called the Plaza Miranda banning.
2. 1896, and the prime suspect was Bomber Moran
3. broad daylight (or was it night?)
4. an instant, with the express purpose of bombing Plaza Miranda.
5. All of the above except letters a and b.

10. The PMAer who defected to the NPA and then went back to the military and then wrote a book about the NPA and then was played in a movie about the NPA by Rudy Fernandez (or was it Philip Salvador?) and then hounded Ping Lacson and then was fired by GMA is:

1. Victor Wood
2. OD Corpus
3. Habeas Corpus
4. Esprit de Corpus
5. Victor Corpus

11. The “umbrella” organization of national democratic underground mass organizations is called:

1. PAG-ASA
2. The Mary Poppins Weather-Weather Front (aka The Penguin Alliance)
3. The National Democratic Front
4. The National Undemocratic Front
5. The National Panasonic

12. This is a famous slogan coined by the late former Philippine Collegian editor Ditto Sarmiento:

1. Ditto ba? O Ditto ba?

Ang dapat kong kalagyan?

b. Kung hindi tayo kikibo, sino ang kikibo?

Kung hindi tayo kikilos, sino ang kikilos?

Kung hindi ngayon, kailan pa?

2. Ang hindi marunong magmahal ng sariling wika,

ay marunong magmahal ng ibang wika.

3. Ang hindi lumingon sa pinanggalingan,

matigas ang leeg.

d. Pagkahaba-haba man daw ng rebolusyon,

Sa purgahan din ang tuloy.

13. Joma’s successor as CPP chair, Rodolfo Salas, is known by this nom-de-guerre

1. Kumander Oblong
2. Kumander Bilog
3. Kumander Itlog
4. Kumander Kap___
5. Ka Roger

14. This is a well-quoted aphorism exhorting komreyds to take a more progressive and holistic view of education and learning:

1. “Do not let academics interfere with your education.”

2. “Do not let heretics interfere with your revolution.”

3. “Education is not confined within the four walls of the classroom.”

4. “Those found cheating will be confined within the four walls of the classroom for two days without food, and should write 50 times on the board: “I will never bribe the proctor again, even if I’m the son of a congressman.”

5. Letters a & c.

15. This cute and interestingly familiar name is actually just another nom-de-girl, este, nom-de-guerre:

1. Ricky Reyes
2. Fani Serrano
3. Marco Palo
4. Byron Bocar
5. Marti Villalobos

16. The CPP-NPA’s original doctrine on romantic and sexual relations within the movement is called ORS (which is an acronym of On the Relations of the Sexes and not an abbreviation of hors d’ oeuvres). ORS has this as tuition of its dictum (burp):

1. “The Kama Sutra is not included in our revolutionary bibliography, so stop complaining and mind your placards.”

2. “Ducks are for eating, not for sex.”

3. “You should not engage in premarital sex if you are not married.”

4. “You can only engage in premarital sex if you are married, and only AFTER the wedding (not during).”

5. “In a revolutionary wedding ceremony, bullets will be exchanged in lieu of rings. These should not, at any time, be used as sex toys. (But as to the candles…)”

17. The victims of the infamous CPP-NPA purges during the 1980s were:

1. intestinal worms
2. flatulence
3. illegal aliens
4. suspected deep-penetration agents (DPAs)
5. suspected deep-penetration actors in movies for mature audiences only

18. These frats figured prominently during the CPP’s anti-infiltration purges:

1. Camille Frats
2. Alpha Sigma and Pi Sigma
3. Si Sigma Sarap
4. Beta Carotene
5. Kappa Pi Pi Sinipon

19. Ferdinand Marcos was:

1. a dictator
2. not a dictator
3. a dictator of the proletariat
4. not a dictator of the proletariat
5. the inspiration for the movie Get Shorty

20. On February 1986, the ND movement decided to boycott:

1. the CPP-NPA
2. San Miguel Products
3. summer classes
4. the snap elections
5. the film: Bituing Walang Ningning

21. The Foreign Affairs Minister of Zimbabwe in 1922 is:

1. Malay ko
2. Paki ko
3. Fortunato Ko
4. Guliqaqawigudigwasiwasimbulelo B. Uy
5. Not a Filipino, most likely from Africa, but what the heck is this question doing here?

22. The Reaffirmists reaffirm:

1. The Reaffirm document
2. The Gospel according to St. Joseph
3. The CPP’s basic guiding principle
4. The basic goodness in all human beings, so we must embrace everyone in our fold and let the divine light shine on each and everyone of us, including the stupid jerks in our midst. Amen.
5. The Rejectionists.

23. Joel Rocamora’s book which describes the deeply-held internal workings of, and the sacred truths within, the CPP is titled:

1. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
2. See Through
3. Breaking Through
4. Breakdancin’ a la Rockin Rocamora
5. Mas Pogi ako kay Joma and other Poems

24. Ric Reyes, Nathan Quimpo, Sixto Carlos, Steve Quiambao, and others have earned this “moniker” because of their rejection of the official “Reaffirm” party line released in 1992:

1. Monikerists (in Tagalog, manikurista)
2. Rejectionists
3. Redemptorists
4. Knights of Columbus
5. NOTA (None of the above sabi)

25. In creative gay lingo, this refers to the male organ:

1. Imbyerna
2. Chugi
3. Malowka
4. Dakota-Harrison
5. NOTAH! (None of the Above, Hello!)

26. During election time, the CPP-NPA collects funds through:

1. Bayad Muna
2. The Salvation Army
3. Bingo Socials
4. Fashion Show
5. PTC (permit to campaign)

27. To Suffer thy Comrades:

1. is a cookbook (It is a sequel to The Last Suffer).
2. was written by Comrade de Quiros (whose column in the Philippine Daily Inquirer is appropriately titled There’s the Pub)
3. How the Revolution Decimated its Own. That’s the complete title, and you should grab a copy now! Go to any National Bookstore outlet!! Offer good while supply lasts!!!
4. Was written by a cute guy with nice legs, though a little knock-kneed, and has a rather big nose.
5. All of the above except a & b.

28. AKBAYAN:

1. is a pluralist political party
2. is the singular form of AKBAYANs
3. is a form of “chancing” popularized by the AKBAYAN people
4. will win many seats in the coming elections if it changes its name to FPJ.
5. is an abbreviation of AK ng Bayan (or The People’s AK-47).

29. Edicio dela Torre was one of the original leaders of a certain political bloc which, abbreviated, is referred to as:

1. NatDem
2. SocDem
3. PopDem
4. TanDem
5. PerDiem

30. Ronald Llamas is a member of which political bloc?

1. BISIG
2. PALAD
3. TUHOD
4. SINGIT
5. KUYUKOT

31. The name of the newly formed association of nat-dem activists from the 70s to the 80s is called:

1. T’Bak: A Generation of Filipino activists
2. T-Back: A Generation of Filipino lingerie
3. Tibi: A Generation of Anal Retentive Filipino Activists
4. Libak: A Generation of Filipino Hecklers
5. Toilet Duck: Disinfects your Toilet Even under the Rim

32. The organization formed to support the victims of the CPP-NPA anti-infiltration purges is called:

1. Bob Marley and the Wailers
2. PATH (Peace Advocates for Truth, Justice and Healing)
3. PATH (Peaceful Anti-Terrorist Hitmen)
4. Lintik Lang ang Walang Ganti Reconciliation Committee
5. Truth, Equality, and Peace Organization of Komreyds (TEPOK)

33. The Institute for Popular Democracy:

1. is an institute for… popular democracy
2. is not, I repeat, NOT the campaign arm of Akbayan
3. is a generous office with good-looking officers who can easily increase the pay of the Conjuncture’s staff writers. (Tip: This writer is an IPD staff)
4. office is a loitering area
5. is a political research institution towards advocacy for reforms. It allows loitering.

34. The organization that practices and promotes popular education is called:

1. Popular Initiatives for People’s Information (PIPI)
2. Popular Education for People’s Empowerment (PEPE)
3. Popular Education for People’s Empowerment and Transformation (PEPET)
4. Popular Education for Knowledge Learning and Training (PEKLAT)
5. Popular Teaching, Organizing, Training, Organizing (Again) of the Youth (PUTOTOY)

35. World peace can only be achieved through:

1. the US government
2. the Al-Qaeda
3. Lea Salonga
4. the Miss Universe candidates
5. who knows? Stop dreaming. We’re screwed.

Ang Susing Kawing (The Answer Key):

d d d a e e d

d e e c b b e

e c d b a d e

c c b e e e a

c a a b e (hint: can also be c) b e

Your Score (underscoring mine):

(30-30) You perfected the exam. What can I say? Have you got nothing better to do? Well here’s some advice: sport a beard, deep-set your eyes, brood and appear intense, and generally try to look ruggedly handsome, and you can be our own Che Guevarra. But consider ignoring this advice if you are a girl.

(25-29) Ups, you almost perfected it, if not for that extra beer last night. For you, this advice: eat more peanuts! Also, puff up your cheeks, put on a cap with a red starlet (a small star, you naughty you), and acquire a certain pattern -- i.e. male pattern baldness, and voila! You are our Mao. Omit the cap if you are female.

(18-24) You are extremely, supremely, astronomically average. One of the throng. A lemming. You probably work some, drink some, play some, and sleep some. And maybe you go to SM at least once a week. Try to be a little more eccentric and you’ll be loads more interesting. (e.g. Put on a scarf and you can be our own Vandana Shiva).

(10-17) You attend too many rallies. You forget your homework. But take comfort from the fact that Albert Einstein failed his exams in elementary. Now you know what you should do with that hair.

(0-9) Tsk, tsk. Ouch. Feeling miserable? When you hear the saying: “Hope springs eternal,” don’t believe it. It was just quoted from someone named Hope, who was a chain-smoker (menthol). She uttered these words at springtime, just before she drowned in a mountain spring. My advice: apply for a Philippine driver’s license. You’ll pass the test with flying colors.

All for now, dear komreyds. You have just done the movement a great disservice by taking this test. But take heart, for there will be a part 2. So in the great radical tradition of propaganda writing, let me end this piece with relevant slogans for our times.

LOVE HURTS!

ISULONG ANG SASAKYAN, MAY DARAAN!!

KANDILA, HINDI BALA!!!